am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So much rum. So many feels.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
