she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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