So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize