Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
