I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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