I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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