do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize