When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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