I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
