i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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