I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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