Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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