i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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