she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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