You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
