he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
