i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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