A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
