I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
