I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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