Swine flu. Run for my life!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
