I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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