are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
