Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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