you guys were way drunker than both of me
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it's like iHOP with fire
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
