dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
