please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
