I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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