I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
