Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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