To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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