lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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