from now on my penis is your penis
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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