just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
