Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
