They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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