guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
