Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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