Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is it because I queefed?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
