I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
