tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
