my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
