I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
