I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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