I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize