Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize