Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
