accomplished twins. life is a go
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
