The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
