yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
