I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
