I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
