dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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