What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
