My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
