I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
