He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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