remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
