I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When are your genitals available?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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