I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
