have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
