Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
