I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
