You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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