I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
