You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
