Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
